Monday May 29. My 35th birthday.
I woke up in Tampa, FL with my husband and today is Day 1 at Blessing Ranch. My soul feels all mixed up, much like the sky. Its bright and blue and happy, but around the corners the dark clouds loom. The black sludge must come out I tell myself. The thick molten disease that threatens to poison and destroy all that I love and am.
That’s why we are here. To experience freedom. Everything seems to hang in the balance like the thickness and hotness of the humid air this morning as we fight for freedom.
I watch the lake before me, an alligator peers above the water. Waiting and watching. It’s so still I almost want to question in existence. It’s looking for it’s prey. It’s head turns as it focuses in the other direction and it begins to swim looking for life to devour.
Life can feel like there are always deadly forces at our heals looking for that moment to catch our ankle. To trip us up and devour us piece by piece.
The alligator changes direction once more and then disappears under the water. He leaves empty handed, this time. But his presence was made known.
Satan’s eyes are always looking, always waiting, making his presence known. He has persecuted us, tripped us up- we’ve listened to his voice more than we care to admit.
But, as I remember the blue sky above and steady my eyes where the beautiful green tree line meets the blue sky it calms my heart. I begin to tune in to all the layers of the birds in the air, crickets and other insects in the ground. The occasional airplane flies overhead.
And I remember in my soul that he has gone before us. He will fight for us. We need only be still.
And that is my prayer. Stillness. Calm. All the noise silenced. A oneness with his spirit. Whether we look left or right, He is all we will see as our guide and the only place to fix our eyes.
On my 35th birthday, as hard as today may be, without a doubt, he is with me and that is more than enough.