I struggle with this word reward and it's meaning. I've known it all my life. Work hard and you are rewarded generously. The disease of production that was taking over my life was fueled by reward. I don't totally use this word negatively. When someone's life is changed because of something you did or created … Continue reading Reward.

I'm learning a new rhythm. It's unforced. It's full of grace. It's one that is light and free as Jesus says. Reading Genesis 6:5-8 this morning and I can't help but feel grieved and grateful. The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on Earth and his heart was deeply troubled. So the Lord said, … Continue reading How I am learning to recover my life

Monday May 29. My 35th birthday. I woke up in Tampa, FL with my husband and today is Day 1 at Blessing Ranch. My soul feels all mixed up, much like the sky. Its bright and blue and happy, but around the corners the dark clouds loom. The black sludge must come out I tell … Continue reading The first morning at Blessing Ranch on my 35th birthday

I wrote in a previous blog of "the crisis," and how less than 24 hours after learning some big news and my life being thrown into crisis mode how I was on the phone with a counselor from the states. He was/is an incredible guy. We met weekly with him through Skype and couldn't be … Continue reading What anxiety is teaching me

On this day, 10 years ago, I was making the final preparations for what was at the time the beginning to the greatest adventure yet. Anyone ever feel like they have heard their calling from the Lord, but hadn't yet received the green light? That was me two years prior. I had been a believer … Continue reading 10 Years an Overseas Missionary

"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11 This is the scripture laid out before my heart this morning. Ever wonder, as you prepare … Continue reading 8 Things I Wish I Knew 8 Years Ago

This was my first Mother's Day post miscarriages. Everything seemed to be okay, until a few days before. and it hit me. I wasn't just celebrating our sweet Stella and Amelia but our babes in heaven, first our girl, JOY. Then the name I never shared with anyone for my second miscarriage, EZRA. Even now writing … Continue reading Mother’s Day after Miscarriage(s)

Self Care. I used to hate this term. If I'm honest, I still kind of do. To me it sounds selfish, like it should be renamed "selfish care." That I could understand. Learning in the Bible that we should be "spending ourselves for the poor," and living in a third world country where opportunities to … Continue reading The breakdown that is teaching me how to love myself

The black sludge. Sometimes I wonder if I were cut, would blood gush out, or would a slow black sludge, so hot and thick pour out like lava until it covers everything and burns everyone around me. This sludge has been familiar to me most of my life. It's my own personal concoction of anger, … Continue reading The black sludge

Entry from my journal on Saturday, the day before Resurrection Sunday. Something you don't know about me. I was a very ambitious child. When I was in 3rd grade, I wrote a play. I took it to my teacher and asked if I could direct the class in my play. To my surprise, she said yes. I … Continue reading Something you don’t know about me